Retirement was supposed to be your victory lap. Instead, it feels like you’ve been promoted to unpaid intern at Life Inc. with a full schedule of doctor visits, tech support for grandkids, and endless “quick favours” from everyone who assumes you’re just “free now.”
But what if this role came with perks you never saw coming?
Retirement Is a Full-Time Role (And the Pay Is Crap – Unless You Hack It)
Let’s be real. Nobody warned you that retirement would come with a to-do list longer than your career ever had.
You thought you were done. Done with the 9-to-5, the weekly reports, the meetings-that-could-have-been-emails.
Turns out, retirement is just a new job… and this one? Has no salary, no leave entitlements, and definitely no catered meetings.
Here’s your new position:
- Official Netflix password-resetter for your adult children
- Emergency tech support for every blinking gadget in the house
- Chief scheduler of mysterious medical checkups
- Emotional first responder to friends navigating crises you thought you were all past by now
- And part-time therapist to the neighbour’s dog (somehow)
Oh, and let’s not forget you bring the best snacks. So you’re the designated host too.
The Expectation vs. What Actually Happens
The Dream:
Long mornings, peaceful yoga sessions, finally writing that novel, and cocktails by sunset.
The Reality:
You’re wide awake at 6AM because your internal work clock never retired.
You pulled a muscle trying beginner yoga.
The novel is still a sticky note that reads “Chapter 1: TBD.”
And you can’t find the damn cocktail shaker.
Also… what is it with doctors calling you “darling” now?
So Where Did the Time Go?
Retirement was supposed to mean freedom, but it’s more like running a small business called “Everybody Else’s Schedule.”
You’ve now memorised your pharmacist’s face, the name of your physiotherapist’s dog, and have somehow become the unpaid event coordinator for three different social circles.
And don’t even bring up the family group chat.
You look away for an hour and there are 53 unread messages, 29 of them are memes.
But Maybe That’s the Point
All jokes aside… maybe this means you’re still relevant.
People still need you. Still call you. Still trust you.
Which is beautiful until it becomes your whole life.
Here’s the thing: now’s the time to turn some of that energy back toward yourself.
You’ve spent years showing up for everyone else.
What happens if you start showing up for you?
A Few Tricks for Hacking This Retirement “Job”
You don’t need to retire from retirement, but you do need to set some rules.
Here’s what helps:
Schedule Your Joy First
If you don’t make space for it, your calendar will be full of beige tasks. Block out time for the stuff that lights you up, not just the stuff you’re good at.
Join Something Weird
Try a walking group. Or a ukulele circle. Or that awkward pottery class your cousin keeps inviting you to. New energy, new people – they shake things loose.
Treat Yourself Like a Project
Not in a fix-yourself way. More like: what happens if you just play again? Learn guitar badly. Doodle in the margins. Redecorate for no reason at all.
Master the Word “No”
It’s a full sentence. And it buys you back hours you didn’t know you needed.
Reframe It All: This Could Be the Best Job You’ve Ever Had
Think about it.
- No KPIs.
- No performance reviews.
- No alarm clock.
- And best of all?
- No one’s asking you to wear a tie.
Retirement isn’t the end. It’s the remix. The sequel. The backstage pass to the version of life that actually fits.
So write your own job description. Include naps, late breakfasts, unexpected hobbies, and all the joy you didn’t have time for before.
Because if this is your second act, make it the kind of show no one saw coming.
Ready to stop managing everyone else’s life and start living your own?
Join the Life Minus Work Community – it’s time to retire on your terms.
