Never thought I’d admit this, but I guess I am kind of angry that none of those sycophants and leeches from my old job that used to follow me around like puppy dogs are anywhere to be seen these days. Admittedly, some did make token attempts to reach out to me in the first few months after I retired but the cynic in me believes this was as insurance in case somebody wanted to reference check them with me after the restructure.
I know the drill about loneliness and the need to keep busy. So, I maintain my LinkedIn account and stay up to date with activities in my old industry, in case someone reaches out to me. I do have some friends that I go to the footy with, mainly for home games, but outside of footy, we don’t have that much in common and come to think of it, I haven’t been looking forward to the games much these days.
Someone I bumped into at Woolworths the other day asked me how retirement was going. I gave the usual stock-standard response: ‘Living the dream, mate living the dream’.
Made me think, though. What is the dream? I have money; my health’s reasonable; the wife still talks to me, so I can’t be too big of an asshole; my kids visit on birthdays and special occasions, and my golf handicap is respectable. The average punter would probably conclude that these are reasonable markers against which one would naturally gauge their retirement experience’s success. So why am I feeling so listless and untethered?
Went to my doctor last month to have my yearly check-up. My blood works were ok, even my HbA1c was reasonable, and all my other vitals were within range. All in all, I wasn’t doing too bad for an old bloke. Then the doctor said something that really threw me: ‘Bob, your physical health is good; but how’s your social health?’ I looked at her funny. ‘What do you mean, I asked?’ She then proceeded to give me a full Dr Google narrative about the importance of human connection.
Told her I had all that stuff under control, e.g., ‘wife still talks to me, kids visit on birthdays etc. etc., and as I related this to her, it felt like it wasn’t her I was trying to convince. It was me.
Then as I was leaving his clinic, she gave me a flyer about some project that was seeking to establish a community garden on some council land that was vacant and unkept. The flyer was from a mob I’d heard of previously. Life Minus Work, which I assumed was some sort of men’s shed type outfit.
Initially, I was unsure why she pushed this flyer into my hand as he was ushering-in her next patient.
Strange thing was as I was driving home, I found myself taking a detour that took me past the plot of land in question. There was a flurry of activity with people pushing wheelbarrows everywhere, in what looked like a totally uncoordinated fashion. Then I saw one of my neighbours, John, right in the thick of it. He was balancing a bag of fertiliser on his shoulder while talking on his phone and simultaneously repositioning a sprinkler with his foot.
Not sure what drew me to it, but I parked the car and went to help John.
That was it after that, I was hooked. The project wasn’t particularly well organised, but it brought people from all walks of life together, galvanised around a love of gardening and sustainability. I was surprised to see my family doctor and one of the guys I go to the footy with, make an appearance.
Ironically, I’m not fond of gardening. We have a gardener attend to our needs on a monthly basis. But I’ve been a project manager most of my life and have had carriage of some of the biggest developments in this State, so I was able to share my skills with this group.
The project allowed me to develop new friendships and deepen existing ones. For instance, I hadn’t realised that one of the guys I went to the footy with was a major supplier to one of the projects I was overseeing. Through the project, we’ve cultivated a stronger connection and identified other shared interests.
The project has not only enabled me to broaden my network of friendships, but it has also emboldened me to try new things. I checked out that Life Minus Work site and realised it was not a men’s shed type of outfit, but rather a platform that enabled people like me to reach out, explore and discover new things that were meaningful and important. I have been mentored and now I’m mentoring others. For instance, I have set up my own interest group that now boasts a following of several hundred across 13 countries.
So, what’s the dream? Well, I still have money; my health’s still reasonable; the wife still talks to me, my kids still visit on birthdays and special occasions, but my golf handicap has deteriorated a little, because I’m now no longer able to devote as much time to it. But in the scheme of things, that’s probably a good thing!
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